Suicide and other ramblings

[Maria-Juana]

Dear diary, today is day 8.
—I feel hopeful.

[none]

Strangely..I made it a week past what I was going to you know end it.
I'm really surprised
The day came and went and somehow that day was pretty uneventful..
Not sure I've ever been that low on my emotional status

[Shnozzola]

Cool none.  Buy wildflower seeds and start sprinkling them around your neighborhood.  Build a 4x6 greenhouse and start oak trees. Or start the new American chestnut trees. 😊

[Maria-Juana]

Strangely..I made it a week past what I was going to you know end it.
I'm really surprised
The day came and went and somehow that day was pretty uneventful..
Not sure I've ever been that low on my emotional status

Good to hear you made it through the storm, none.

[8livesleft]

How's it going, none?

[Maria-Juana]

^^^
Yes, I've been wondering the same.

How have you been, none?

[none]

Not well.
I have no one.
I still see people near me and I feel threatened.
I hate myself.
I think I should be dead as many times as I've been tried to be killed.
I don't have anyone to turn to.
She is high and they electrocuted her so many times that she thinks she better.
She on pulls now to manage her stress. Instead of just letting her get a divorce and move on of course because you know sometimes it's better and more cost effective to import chemicals and force them on someone for their own good.
She complained she wanted to kill herself, all this because she doesn't need to be married to him.
They call her diagnosing psychiatrist "earl" even though he is not even close to a Duke or woman magnet.
I'm out of money.
No food.
No water.
And I'm tired of trading psychotropic for food.
I did manage to get to a state agency to file civil rights violation against the shelter.
I'm not going to make it.
My Spirit is dead.

[Maria-Juana]

Not well.
I have no one.
I still see people near me and I feel threatened.
I hate myself.
I think I should be dead as many times as I've been tried to be killed.
I don't have anyone to turn to.
She is high and they electrocuted her so many times that she thinks she better.
She on pulls now to manage her stress. Instead of just letting her get a divorce and move on of course because you know sometimes it's better and more cost effective to import chemicals and force them on someone for their own good.
She complained she wanted to kill herself, all this because she doesn't need to be married to him.
They call her diagnosing psychiatrist "earl" even though he is not even close to a Duke or woman magnet.
I'm out of money.
No food.
No water.
And I'm tired of trading psychotropic for food.
I did manage to get to a state agency to file civil rights violation against the shelter.
I'm not going to make it.
My Spirit is dead.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time, right now, none. It's frustrating to not be able to help you, all I can do for you right now is listen. Hopefully, writing helps you put your thoughts in order and you're able to see that you need help and that there are people who want to help you, but you must meet them halfway.

And your Spirit is not dead, it's just a little imbalanced.
~I think.

She is high and they electrocuted her so many times that...

Who is "she"?

[maritime]

Snap out of it. You've hypnotized yourself and are under your own spell. I'm sure the psychotropics are not helping, not one bit.

[maritime]

Take a walk. Walk until your mind is clear.

[Shnozzola]

Hmmmm.
I remember graybeard telling me over at WWGHA, somebody that's having trying times mentally should not be told to "snap out of it."  It's like telling a person with a broken leg, "just jump over the fence and keep running."

Society still looks at mental difficulties as different from other parts of the body, still possibly based on superstitious religious practices that are wrong.

Take your time None - listen to Maria, she is our best voice.

[Boots]

None, can you tell us one good thing that happened today?

[Maria-Juana]

Hmmmm.
I remember graybeard telling me over at WWGHA, somebody that's having trying times mentally should not be told to "snap out of it."  It's like telling a person with a broken leg, "just jump over the fence and keep running."

Society still looks at mental difficulties as different from other parts of the body, still possibly based on superstitious religious practices that are wrong.

Take your time None - listen to Maria, she is our best voice.

Thanks, Shnozzola,
It is difficult to help someone with mental difficulties. We don't know what to say most of the time, so we end up sounding like cheerleaders, encouraging them to hang on.

It's a slow process, it's not so much about telling them the right thing, I think it's about helping them hear themselves speak so that they realize that they have a problem, that they need help, and that they must help themselves with the resources available. I imagine it's not easy, but not many things in life are, unfortunately.

[Kiahanie]

!!!!^^^^^!!!! That

[Maria-Juana]

[maritime]

I said "Snap out of it" in the kindest of terms.
I think None can snap out of it. I don't think I've suggested something undoable.

[Jstwebbrowsing]

Not well.
I have no one.
I still see people near me and I feel threatened.
I hate myself.
I think I should be dead as many times as I've been tried to be killed.
I don't have anyone to turn to.
She is high and they electrocuted her so many times that she thinks she better.
She on pulls now to manage her stress. Instead of just letting her get a divorce and move on of course because you know sometimes it's better and more cost effective to import chemicals and force them on someone for their own good.
She complained she wanted to kill herself, all this because she doesn't need to be married to him.
They call her diagnosing psychiatrist "earl" even though he is not even close to a Duke or woman magnet.
I'm out of money.
No food.
No water.
And I'm tired of trading psychotropic for food.
I did manage to get to a state agency to file civil rights violation against the shelter.
I'm not going to make it.
My Spirit is dead.

I'm so sorry none.  I was not aware you were under so much distress.  I don't follow a lot of threads around here and I seem to be in the dark.  What in the world is going on?  Who is "she"?

[none]

She is Heather Marie G
And my mother admitted she lies to me deliberately when I ask for assistance.
My mother is nearly 80 if not 80 ac ten years ago she had a live in boyfriend who was 17.
Heather is going through therapy to help her be compliant.
I'm in colorado and hate this place.
I left my dd214 with my mother and now the national archives does not have a dd214 that has honorable discharge.
I really want to kill right now.
I need help.
This is ridiculous that my mother is even alive.
I see no purpose in her living or her life at all.
She's done nothing but lay on her back while I go hungry.

[Maria-Juana]

She is Heather Marie G
And my mother admitted she lies to me deliberately when I ask for assistance.
My mother is nearly 80 if not 80 and ten years ago she had a live in boyfriend who was 17.
Heather is going through therapy to help her be compliant.
I'm in Colorado and hate this place.
I left my dd214 with my mother and now the national archives do not have a dd214 that has honorable discharge.
I really want to kill right now.
I need help.
This is ridiculous that my mother is even alive.
I see no purpose in her living or her life at all.
She's done nothing but lay on her back while I go hungry.

I'm sorry to hear that trying to get help from your mom is not working.  Perhaps it's time to look for help somewhere else because she doesn't seem to be capable of helping you, right now.

Regarding your, dd214, could someone in an "authority" position help you retrieve those for you from your mom's house?
Maybe the police or a counselor?
Maybe tell her it's the last thing you'll ask her for?

Besides, your mom, Heather Marie G, do you have another family member near you? An uncle, a cousin, an old friend?

You said you managed to get to a state agency to file a civil rights violation against the shelter, so I'm not going to suggest you go to a shelter for help.

Your immediate problems right now are a lack of basic necessities, food, water, shelter, and company. If we can start that ball rolling, you'll have the strength and support to take care of other things.

I hope you can find the help you need from people who would like to help you, none.

[Boots]

Wow.

Just...wow.

I am not equipped to give you anything other than a cheering section.  Please seek some systemic help (suicide hotline; any vets organizations you can go to?)

I'm sorry, mate.

[Kiahanie]

https://www.coloradocoalition.org/gethelp?gclid=CjwKCAjwrranBhAEEiwAzbhNtf6iDjwauNAN360RAMSJxBRlLeeDvaA6fZOr3JnEqWar-EEJPuAp-BoCDlsQAvD_BwE

Colorado Coalition for the Homeless

[none]

I'm going to have to return to the shelter where they are undergoing that social experiment where the hard think they are running a prison and the "inmates" act like criminals.
I've run out of resources.
I've asked nicely.
There's nothing left.
Honestly people have been dismembered for less infractions that I've endured.
Harsh language is a big no no and you know I really want a chainsaw at this point.

[Maria-Juana]

I'm going to have to return to the shelter where they are undergoing that social experiment where the hard think they are running a prison and the "inmates" act like criminals.
I've run out of resources.
I've asked nicely.
There's nothing left.
Honestly people have been dismembered for less infractions that I've endured.
Harsh language is a big no no and you know I really want a chainsaw at this point.

[√] Shelter.
Good.
[√] Food and water.
Good.
[√] Company.
Debatable, but still good.

The rest are basic rules, policies, and regulations of the shelter?

[Jstwebbrowsing]

I'm going to have to return to the shelter where they are undergoing that social experiment where the hard think they are running a prison and the "inmates" act like criminals.
I've run out of resources.
I've asked nicely.
There's nothing left.
Honestly people have been dismembered for less infractions that I've endured.
Harsh language is a big no no and you know I really want a chainsaw at this point.

Take a breath none. 

Check out the link Kia provided, if you haven't.  Maybe they can get you into better circumstances.  Here is another link:  www.hud.gov/states/colorado/homeless/shelters.  Where in Colorado are you?  Maybe some of us can help you find some more resources nearby.

[none]

I'm hurt
The heart injury as a side effect for a reason to satisfy some people that don't bother to care or listen to a person who they claim to help isn't healing ave its affected me in a way that is unfortunate
The pain I have is pain
I'm sorry I'm not suicidal

[8livesleft]

I'm hurt
The heart injury as a side effect for a reason to satisfy some people that don't bother to care or listen to a person who they claim to help isn't healing ave its affected me in a way that is unfortunate
The pain I have is pain
I'm sorry I'm not suicidal

Have you had your injury looked at? Is there some medical treatment you can get there? 

[none]

I'm hurt
The heart injury as a side effect for a reason to satisfy some people that don't bother to care or listen to a person who they claim to help isn't healing ave its affected me in a way that is unfortunate
The pain I have is pain
I'm sorry I'm not suicidal

Have you had your injury looked at? Is there some medical treatment you can get there?

No I haven't.
I hate to go back to the idiot that did it.
She knew what was going to happen and then threw me out without shoes onto sidewalk because I waited 30 days to eat jello and get my heart damaged.

[none]

I should deliver pizza.

[8livesleft]

I'm hurt
The heart injury as a side effect for a reason to satisfy some people that don't bother to care or listen to a person who they claim to help isn't healing ave its affected me in a way that is unfortunate
The pain I have is pain
I'm sorry I'm not suicidal

Have you had your injury looked at? Is there some medical treatment you can get there?

No I haven't.
I hate to go back to the idiot that did it.
She knew what was going to happen and then threw me out without shoes onto sidewalk because I waited 30 days to eat jello and get my heart damaged.

What about trying another facility or specialist? 

[Maria-Juana]

For how long have you had this pain, none?

I just met you, so I don't know very much about you. Do you remember the year when things got really bad for you? I'm just curious. I would like to know how long you've had to endure physical pain.
And the emotional/ psychological/ spiritual pain as well.

Have you asked anyone for help in getting your dd214 back?