My Exit from Religion

[Garja]

It was recently brought to my attention that I never have shared my deconversion story in its entirety on this site, so I thought I would go ahead and give it a go. Hopefully I didn't ramble too much.  Insidentally, feel free to argue with me contrary to the forum policy in this section if that is okay with the mods.  Its not going to bother me.

I was born into a Christian home; not the over-zealous-fundamentalist variety, but devoutly Christian none-the-less.  I was baptized into the American Baptist Church at around 6 years of age.  In retrospect, this was probably a little young, but I felt that I had the basics of the faith down, knew I loved Jesus, and felt that this was the way forward.  I know that there was a new-member class I had to attend to make sure that I (for my age anyway) knew what I was saying by going through the baptism ceremony.
I remained an active member of the church into and though 1998 when I graduated High School.  I was active in the youth group at the church; I loved the church and fully believed in the rightness of Christianity and its teachings ? even if there was a handful of the ABC doctrine that I didn?t necessarily adhere to completely ? For instance I felt there was ?something to? the creation account, but I could not buy into it wholly; nor did I believe Jesus drank grape juice and that to drink alcohol was a sin ? clearly if the faith was dependent on Jesus having never sinned ? a little alcohol in moderation was just fine.

I attended Ohio University through 2002 where I was an active member in Campus Crusade for Christ.  I really enjoyed this time and felt I had a good handle on theology.  My roommate was actually my bible study leader and by my senior year I was co-leader in another Bible study for underclassmen.  My cadre of friends were all devoutly Christian and we would FREQUENTLY debate theological topics (predestination vs. free will was a favorite).  We even went to Panama City for spring break as part of CCC to help ?win the lost?; we were not obnoxious about it, and I will readily admit I went more to have fun than to proselytize, but I was still part of the group that did.

All this was not to say that I didn?t have some reservations.  I knew there were parts of the Bible that made me uncomfortable, I knew that there were things that didn?t quite make sense for me about who I thought God was.  These things, questions that I had, or things that didn?t quite make sense to me were written off; after all, we are talking about an infinite being, of course I didn?t fully understand it.  I saw God as a pretty cut and dry ? fairly Old Testament kinda God.  Basically that Man was a fallen creature, that without accepting of Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior that there was no hope ? only pain and eternal torment; God would basically send everyone to hell and not think twice about it ? Jesus was the intercessor and would not let that happen if you played on his team (but though him I developed my own brand of fairly liberal Christianity). 

I distinctly remember the day I got married when it suddenly hit me that I was not 100% sure where my soon-to-be wife stood on matters of faith; I remember the tears of joy in my eyes when my friend and preacher told me that he thought she was saved.  This however was the only time I really remember being swept up in the emotion that often surrounds religion.  I was never one of those people who constantly felt the need to ?give God the glory?, or to try to shoehorn my religious beliefs into conversations and occasions that had nothing to do with religion, in fact when people did that it often made me rather uncomfortable.  I never really knew why.

Fast forward to December 2011.  I was sitting in church about a week before Christmas attending a holiday play put on by the church choir and a few other members? Im probably one of the few people who can claim they deconverted from Christianity IN CHURCH, and mostly because of bad acting.

I remember it distinctly.  A girl ran into the ?inn? and told the inn keeper (played btw, by the same preacher I cried to years before on my wedding day) that there was girl giving birth in the manger ? a pregnant virgin.  Now, I don?t know if the actor rolled his eyes, or if it just happened in my head, but something clicked.  I have always loved studying history and culture (my first BA was in Sociology, and my BS is in Social Studies/history), and I was watching a play where an unmarried teenage girl was pregnant but was claiming to be a virgin.  For some reason I actually THOUGHT about that for the first time.  In a society that felt fully justified for stoning a girl who had sex before marriage was claiming to have been with child ? by God, certainly not by the man she was betrothed to.

I was absolutely terrified!  Nervously and nauseously I starting thinking ? ?what is more likely, a girl got pregnant and came up with a story that couldn?t be DISproven?, or ?a girl is impregnated by the holy spirit??  Was it more likely, if I took my own history and beliefs about it out of the picture, that this was a completely fabricated story?  Oh my God, what if the whole THING is fabricated?  I could no longer pay attention to what was going on on the stage, I was supposed to be watching my young nephews but they were pretty much occupying themselves; I was lost in my own thoughts.

By the time the curtain closed, I called myself agnostic.  I really didn?t know what was going on in my head, but I knew something didn?t add up. Something had to give.
Over the next several weeks I immersed myself in information.  I wasn?t sure what I believed, but whatever it was ? I wanted it to be true.  I watched atheists and Christians debate, I watched rebuttals, I watched the rebuttals TO the rebuttals.  The more information I got, the more I read, the more videos I watched, the more research I did ? I realized that Christianity specifically and Theism in general rang hollow.  I was an atheist ? The world never made more sense, and Ive never been happier.

[Assyriankey]

Yes, the dirty Mary chain of reasoning :D

Thanks for sharing.

[Former Believer]

Wow, Garja...never heard a deconversion story like that.  Thanks for sharing it!

[Jay]

+1 for sharing.  :)

[Jezzebelle]

One question since you said you didn't mind.  Religion was such a large part of your life... but you didn't even know where your wife stood on the issue (or whether she was even saved?) until your wedding day?

[Garja]

Thanks for the kind words all. It was odd that something like the Mary story that I had accepted at face value for so long would be the crack in the dam.

Jezz, valid question and one I asked myself that day and today while writing.  I knew that religion was not terribly important to her but she considered herself at least nominally Christian. She seemed a little "iffy" when things had come up. Baptism had been required for salvation in the church she was raised in, where I viewed it as an "expression of faith"- since she was not baptized she seemed unsure, and since certainty was more what I considered the issue.....

She is still nominally Christian, but doesn't take it very seriously so my lack if faith isn't much if an issue.

[Jezzebelle]

Ok cool :)

Thanks for sharing, it was really interesting +1

I think people can have great relationships either way.  My husband is an atheist like me, but my long term boyfriend before him was a devout christian.  Sometimes it's nice to have someone to agree with your views, and sometimes it's nice to get opposing and challenging view points.  That's why I like coming here.

[Airyaman]

^^ Christian gone, atheist permanent part of life. All we need to know  .

[Jezzebelle]

LOL!  That was not why...

But my husband (who met me at the bar I worked at) told me later that - he had walked me out to my car one night and saw my "darwin fish" on the back of it, and knew then he had to ask me out.  haha

[GratefulApe]

Not impressed pull up your big boy pants.

[Garja]

Wish I would have spent a little more time on this, but my son was starting to get needy by the end.

Wanted to put another part in that I remember:  I remember the day I learned that Santa wasn't real.  I remember sitting in my Mom's car vividly - I dont remember how the topic came up, but I remember saying "Does that mean the Easter Bunny and the Tooth fairy aren't real too?".  She admitted that this was the truth.  The next question was "what about God and Jesus?".  I think that a young kid can pull together the similarities in these mythologies is kind of telling with how far fetched the subject really is.

[QuestionMark]

I was absolutely terrified!  Nervously and nauseously I starting thinking ? ?what is more likely, a girl got pregnant and came up with a story that couldn?t be DISproven?, or ?a girl is impregnated by the holy spirit??  Was it more likely, if I took my own history and beliefs about it out of the picture, that this was a completely fabricated story?  Oh my God, what if the whole THING is fabricated?  I could no longer pay attention to what was going on on the stage, I was supposed to be watching my young nephews but they were pretty much occupying themselves; I was lost in my own thoughts.

Good story, has the ring of truth to it, you probably didn't make most of it up, you sincerely believe it.

[Garja]

Im not sure what you are implying QM.  I assure you my story is accurate.

[Augusto]

Yeah right... you just missed a tiny little detail: Where did the Vader helmet came from...?

BUSTED...!!!

[Garja]

I had a little "accident" a few years ago involving a volcano and an old teacher of mine.

[QuestionMark]

Im not sure what you are implying QM.  I assure you my story is accurate.

I believe you.

[Augusto]

I had a little "accident" a few years ago involving a volcano and an old teacher of mine.

I believe you.