Honestly, why haven't we had sex yet?

[Pastafarian]

Ok ok I'm a bad person sometimes.
Damn internet. I blame the internet.

[Assyriankey]

Pasta: Dex, why didn't you put out when you had the chance?
Dexter: I ain't no slut, you must be thinking of Assy.
Pasta: Of course I'm thinking of ass.  You aussies are a weird bunch, stating the obvious all the time.
Dexter:  No, not that.  I mean you must be thinking of my brother.  I'm the straight one remember?
Pasta: I'm straight too!  Am I missing something?
Dexter: That's another reason why I didn't put out...

[Pastafarian]

Assy: Dex, why haven't we had sex yet?
Dex: wha...?! We're BROTHERS!?
Assy: I know. But when pasta slept in the other room I felt things. And you were here too. I get confused. You know?
Dex: I know. Pasta has such a soft mouth...
Assy: wha...?!
Dex: remember how I gave him a ride back from the gig?
Assy: bastard. So can we have sex?
Dex: ssshhh. I'm reminiscing...

[Shawna]

Ok ok I'm a bad person sometimes.
Damn internet. I blame the internet.

I love this thread. +1 in two hours.

[Shawna]

Shawna:  Honey....  Honey.....  Wake up.  Why haven't we had sex yet?
Kevin: mmmmf.... gah.....
Shawna:  Ow!  What was that for!  Wake up, you....!
Kevin:  Huh?  Wha?
Shawna:  You hit me!
Kevin:  I'm sorry.  I thought you were a Roman.
Shawna:  <moves to far end of bed>
Kevin:  We should have sex.
Shawna:  Go find the Roman.

[davdi]

D. Hey, Shawna, you intrigue me.  After I got out of that famous London fog I realized I was lost
S. Not to worry, you were upset and confused
D. Did you study psychology?
S. Lol, you've never had to deal with Kevin.
D. Ok, ok.  I can understand why, and I can understand how. 
S. So why are you disturbing my rest?
D. The real problem is, when.
S. Mostly, whoever we wanted.
D. No, no, not that when, in your shoes, btw, I have large feet, I might have run. 
S. Lol. That's a good one.  At first, yes, but then the whole situation changed. 
D. So, when
S. Don't put the cart before the horse.  There's a McDonalds in Zanesville.
D. Yes, I know where it is.
S. Wait there, I'll get in touch with you,
D. But I've never had a threesome.
S. Skunkbutt knows where it is too, he wants to be in on it.
D. Okay.

[Shawna]

That's the one with the play area.

Kevin will be out of town in two weeks.....

[davdi]

D.  I just heard from Skunky, he has a prior obligation that week. He sounded scared.
S.  Darn, and here I was so looking forward to it.  You don't suppose Pasta or Luke would care to.
D.  Luke is part of the Barmy Army, he has to be in SA soon.
S.  Maybe Mr B, the Wolverine, can be the stand in.
B.  I don't take second to no one, whoever you are, D.
S.  So i take that as a yes.
B.  Depends who the seconds is.
D.  If you keep that up, Mr B, not even Tubular Belle will join.
S.  You talk to her about it.
D.  No, not yet. 
B.  Let's get this thing settled.
S&D.   Be there!  Or be square! 

[kevin]

Shawna:  Honey....  Honey.....  Wake up.  Why haven't we had sex yet?
Kevin: mmmmf.... gah.....
Shawna:  Ow!  What was that for!  Wake up, you....!
Kevin:  Huh?  Wha?
Shawna:  You hit me!
Kevin:  I'm sorry.  I thought you were a Roman.
Shawna:  <moves to far end of bed>
Kevin:  We should have sex.
Shawna:  Go find the Roman.

i said i was dreaming.

i'm sorry i hit you.

[kevin]

on second thought, did it turn you on?

[davdi]

D.  Nou they youse back hom 'n' all, ain't tit bout taime wees haid touther discuss seeing aise hou we wuz oncet thaink bout youse 'n' ayh. 
E.  To whom do you wish to speak?
D.  Wy ah thot I was atalkin to
E.   Sir, we must have a bad connection, I really cannot understand you at all!
D.  Nottall!
E.   Can any one here help me with this person who thinks he's speaking English.
D.  Noam, wy i spek pur whar ah cum from. 
E.  Sir, I'm sorry that we seem to be unable to communicate.  To whom do you wish to speak? 
D.  I caint bar hit no longr.   Ahs hupin talk ta you, aingl uf mah dreems. 
E.  Were sorry, you have reached a number that is disconnected or not working right now.  Please check the number and don't call back, EVER!!!
D.  Yahssm. 

[Pastafarian]

I can't figure out if that supposed to be Scottish or Hillbilly?!

[Shawna]

Appalachian Hillbilly is Scottish, 5 or 6 generations removed.

[Pastafarian]

Awesome! No wonder I love the music. Play in a roots music band from time to time that is full if Appalachian stuff.

[davdi]

Pasta, do you know the song, "Playing in a Traveling Band"?  It's an old rock'n'roll song. 

[Pastafarian]

Yup. Rock n roll feel, blues progression.

[davdi]

So you also know about Ledbelly, Robert Johnson, "Fats" Domino, and those guys.  (A little secret between us, if you listen close enough to the speaker, the speaker will give away where they are from.  So I just think of the worst pronunciation possible and put it in "normal" spelling. [At a "fledglings" meeting a sociology professor with an accent I knew to be close to the Big Apple, finally gave away she is from Long Island.  My own particular accent is unusual.])

[Pastafarian]

Oh yeah.
Robert Johnson.
Sold his soul to the devil so he could be a great guitarist.

[davdi]

D.  Jill, Jill, are you still here.  At all! 

D.  Jill, where are you?
J.   (From somewhere else). Who the hell is yelling?
D.   I have to yell.  Where are you?
J.   I'm in the chicken coop.  What do you want?
D.   Why haven't we had sex yet? 
J.    (Stares at the front door, seeing an unfamiliar figure in it.)  And who the hell are you? 
D.   You know, davdi!
J.    If you are who I think, how fast can you run? 
D.   (Stumbles toward his car,)   
J.    (Laughing out loud).  You're pathetic. 
D.   Gee, your always so nice to men.
J.    Men?  Mwahaha.  That's the funniest thing I've ever heard, coming from you! 
D.   So I'll take that as a no.
J.    Yes.

[Yog]

Honestly, why haven't we had sex yet?

Doctor's orders :/

[davdi]

Alarm goes off,
E.  Hmprst, huh?
D.  Alarm
E.  Why?
D.  You set it
E.  I did?
D.  Hmm.  I don't know
E.  Who are you?
D.  Huh?
E.  What are ...

D.  (Lays on his back, stares at a familiar ceiling.). *curses, hears background music, recognizes song, "what a dream I had, dressed in"*

[Shawna]

Shawna:  Honestly, why haven't we had sex yet?
Jay:  That's a ridiculous question!  Haven't you ever heard of states' rights?!
Shawna:  I didn't think that states' rights had anything to do with wanting a nice snuggle...
Jay:  Look, I tell it like it is; if you don't like it tough luck!
Shawna:  But I still think that states' rights is irrelevant here....
Jay:  Oh stop whining.  Do you have any idea how many Italian-Americans drowned in swimming pools last year?
Shawna:  I'm never getting laid, am I?
Jay:  Not unless you pry it out of my cold dead hands.

[Assyriankey]

Jay: Honestly, why haven't we had sex yet?
Shawna:  If the shoe fits ...
Jay:  Uhm, should I take that literally?  I'm thinking yes.
Shawna:  Newspapers make the best bandages.
Jay:  Put kevin on, please.
Shawna: With pleasure!

[davdi]

D:  Assy, why haven't we had sex yet?
A:  you have to be kidding.
D:  Why?
A:  no, seriously, you have to be kidding!
D:  now I'm confused
A:  new experience for you !?!?
D:  hey, be nice.
A:  why?
D:  nobody understands me, nobody loves me
A:  you're welcome to find worms outside.
D:  you're so sweet
A:  don't you forget it

[kevin]

Shawna. Why haven't we had sex yet?

Kevin. Put the nook down and tell golden to beat it.

[Jazzman]

Kevin: Shawna, why didn't we have sex today?

Shawna: Because you melted the spreadable margarine, and no orgasm is worth 2nd-degree burns.

[Shawna]

It might be too late for the whole day, but he can sure write off tonight......   

[kevin]

The margarine pulled through just fine.

[Lillium]

I never expected this thread to become popular.