My story (so far)

[Contradictingconscience]

Hi guys! My name is contradictingconscience on account of the struggles of being a believer in Christ, but having the taxing experience of questioning and problem posing theology, and sometimes even God himself. So my story is this I asked God into my heart at a young age (many tears were spilled I still am curious to this day on why) Never really cared for my faith until a couple years back when I was 15 I will eventually get to why. Im not going to get into details about my childhood only thing is my brothers were pretty rough at times and there was lots of screaming and yelling which terrified me. Eventually I started hanging out with the wrong crowd in about middle school. I got into some pretty wicked stuff I was smoking weed and cigarettes. I was drinking, popping pills, and messing around with girld. When I was like 14. A day came when a buddy and I were having a cigarette before bed, not a smart idea, while we were he said "im possessed by the cigarette demon!" Jokingly. Playing along I grasped him arm and yelled "brother!" When going to bed a voice in my head said "God doesnt love you." Then another eventually overpowering the first saying "God does love you" this voice kept  repeating itself, and with it came an experience like no other. It genuinely felt like I was being lifted up\floating. So after that time went by and things had to get worse before they got better. My parents found out about all that and sent me to basically a treatment program. Eventually I opened up my bible and began to pray to God. Then I got plugged into a church and started reading my bible....a ton. I grew this extreme passion for Jesus and people began to recognize me as a Christian. Now im in a very ackward position finding myself stuck between my faith and renouncing it. Lots of questions have arisen which have challenged my faith and have brought dought. So I'm hoping this website can help me figure out my faith, if its real or pointless. Thank you for reading this. :D

[maritime]

Hello cc,
Interesting testimony. I don't know if I would call smoking weed and cigarettes "wicked", more like detrimental.
What is it that you doubt about your faith in Christ (a savior)?
One of my favorites,

[Jay]

<<Agnostic here.

So I'm hoping this website can help me figure out my faith, if its real or pointless.

I would say the best person to answer whether their faith is real is the person themselves.

What makes you think your faith is either real or pointless? 

[Contradictingconscience]

The conotations that came along with it sure were :o hahaha. Its not a problem of doughting in Jesus im pretty confident he was real being, whether he was God or not is still something I'm trying to figure out. Its more of questions about God like does prayer do anything, does he really have his hand here on earth, did he just create everything or is the molecules to man theory the dealio? Etc.

[Jay]

The conotations that came along with it sure were :o hahaha. Its not a problem of doughting in Jesus im pretty confident he was real being, whether he was God or not is still something I'm trying to figure out. Its more of questions about God like does prayer do anything, does he really have his hand here on earth, did he just create everything or is the molecules to man theory the dealio? Etc.

I think many are in the same position as you. 

IMO, most of that does boil down to personal faith.  ie, if you believe that prayer does something, or you believe that God has his hand here on earth, than to you, those things are true.  I dont think you will find a definite 'Yes' to those things.  You need to look inside yourself to see if they are true...to you.

Of course, that is coming from a person(me) who believes these questions can never be answered.  /shrug

[Mooby the Golden Sock]

+1 for having a contradicting conscience.

Are "real" and "pointless" the only options?

[Emily]

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the answers you were looking for here.

It seems you are sober now, or at least not popping pills.I hope so, anyway. I used to have a pretty nasty drug addiction (mostly hydros and cocaine), as well as had a bad addiction to drinking. I've spent a lot of time either in rehab centers or jail, so I know how s**tty being in that situation can be. I also made it through the entire process being an atheist.

So, I have a question about the treatment program. Feel free to not answer it, or if you do feel free to not get into too much detail if you don't want to open up too much about it, but -

What kind of a treatment program was it? Was it a drug treatment program?

The ones that I have attended were mostly based on the 12 Steps preached about by AA. Basically, the claim is that by searching for a higher power one can overcome his/her addiction. The AA bible, or as those in AA so passionately call it, the Big Book even has a pretty condescending chapter written towards atheists/agnostics about how they wont gain sobriety without searching for a higher power. The chapter's exact words are that "we must find spiritual basis of life, or else", then the entire chapter is talking about how without seeking a higher power someone who's addicted to, anything really, is hopeless. Which is far from the truth.

A lot of people in a lot of treatment programs seem to feel that Church is an answer for what the addict needs, when it's very far from the truth. A belief in God, or a spiritual higher power is the last thing someone needs when they are strung out, IMO. But, don't get my wrong - treatment programs provide a good set of tools to have, as long as they leave god out of the sobriety equation.

So, what kind of treatment program were you in? The ones I went to almost EVERYONE talking about how the minute they found a higher power the gained sobriety. My bunkie would read her bible every day and try to get me to attend the Sunday services. And, I have found a lot of people who have gone through treatment programs have or are in a situation similar to yours. Finding themselves stuck between wanting to have faith in some god but at the same time wanting to renounce it. It's my opinion that a lot of people grain sobriety, and at the same time become religious, and it's because of their specific treatment program. Then, at the same time a lot of people don't wish to renounce their faith because of fear for what will happen to their sobriety - as if their faith is the only think keeping them sober in the first place.

The conotations that came along with it sure were :o hahaha. Its not a problem of doughting in Jesus im pretty confident he was real being, whether he was God or not is still something I'm trying to figure out.

This seems to have a few different turns in it. One, if Jesus was a real man it doesn't mean he was a divine man (God's son). He was just a man. I find the actual existence of a man named Jesus is be somewhat irrelevant. What is relevant is that if Jesus did exist, did he do those awesome things written about in the bible. There is little to no truth in the bible regarding Jesus' divinity. They is no historical evidence for Jesus as a divine man (or a real man, for that matter), at all. And he preached at as time when the Romans were writing everything down. If Jesus did all those awesome things that the bible claims he did there would sure to be other sources for his existence other than the bible (the bible doesn't count as evidence for Jesus' existence. That's just circular reasoning to think it does)

Its more of questions about God like does prayer do anything, does he really have his hand here on earth, did he just create everything or is the molecules to man theory the dealio? Etc.

If there is a god, it's not Bible god, Koran god or any other god who is written about in a holy book and is worshipped. If anything, it's the deistic god - and that's a god who created the Universe but doesn't interact with it, so therefore, doesn't answer prayers because it's not a god of interaction. From the way the Universe behaves itself it's almost as if there is no god acting upon it. Also, a lot of religions have their own creation story and all creation stories are scientifically wrong, so based on the wrongness of that religion's creation story (depending how whether you believe that holy book to be inerrant), it's easy to discredit the truthfulness of that religion.

[rickymooston]

Smoking is indeed evil. If you quit, i am
glad. my lungs are a mess.

Thanks for coming.

Having doubts is pretty normal. I am
an atheist of sorts but certainly respe t
some chtiztians

[none]

Hi guys! My name is contradictingconscience on account of the struggles of being a believer in Christ, but having the taxing experience of questioning and problem posing theology, and sometimes even God himself. So my story is this I asked God into my heart at a young age (many tears were spilled I still am curious to this day on why) Never really cared for my faith until a couple years back when I was 15 I will eventually get to why. Im not going to get into details about my childhood only thing is my brothers were pretty rough at times and there was lots of screaming and yelling which terrified me. Eventually I started hanging out with the wrong crowd in about middle school. I got into some pretty wicked stuff I was smoking weed and cigarettes. I was drinking, popping pills, and messing around with girld. When I was like 14. A day came when a buddy and I were having a cigarette before bed, not a smart idea, while we were he said "im possessed by the cigarette demon!" Jokingly. Playing along I grasped him arm and yelled "brother!" When going to bed a voice in my head said "God doesnt love you." Then another eventually overpowering the first saying "God does love you" this voice kept  repeating itself, and with it came an experience like no other. It genuinely felt like I was being lifted up\floating. So after that time went by and things had to get worse before they got better. My parents found out about all that and sent me to basically a treatment program. Eventually I opened up my bible and began to pray to God. Then I got plugged into a church and started reading my bible....a ton. I grew this extreme passion for Jesus and people began to recognize me as a Christian. Now im in a very ackward position finding myself stuck between my faith and renouncing it. Lots of questions have arisen which have challenged my faith and have brought dought. So I'm hoping this website can help me figure out my faith, if its real or pointless. Thank you for reading this. :D

it's pointless, you can waste a bunch of time trying to figure out Christianity or Islam and end up a Scientologist, either way you will probably end up dead and if you are worried about that then become a Buddhist.
but behold innovation that doesn't stem from religion because there is no innovation in religion just might have a cure for whatever might ail you and save you from the clutches of death.
but don't fool yourself God and the afterlife are issues for the religious and those issues don't concern those that don't believe in them, honestly..

[maritime]

Hi again Cc,
How did others begin to recognize you as a Christian? because you were in church all the time? you carried your bible everywhere you went? or...
What (notion?) sparked your extreme passion for Jesus, in the ton of bible reading you did? For me, it was the notion that there is a higher being who can grant forgiveness if there is repentance, that there can be a change of heart.

[Jstwebbrowsing]

CC if you have any questions of a Biblical nature I would be happy to do my best to find the answers.  All you need do is ask.

[Airyaman]

So I'm hoping this website can help me figure out my faith, if its real or pointless. Thank you for reading this. :D

Your faith is yours, therefore we cannot tell you if it is real or pointless.

[Mr. Blackwell]

The conotations that came along with it sure were :o hahaha. Its not a problem of doughting in Jesus im pretty confident he was real being, whether he was God or not is still something I'm trying to figure out. Its more of questions about God like does prayer do anything, does he really have his hand here on earth, did he just create everything or is the molecules to man theory the dealio? Etc.

+1 and welcome to the forum.


Do you think Jesus would forgive a man for punching his fiance' in the face then dragging her limp, unconscious body from an elevator? 


In short, do you think Jesus condones violence?

[Goombah]

Hi guys! My name is contradictingconscience on account of the struggles of being a believer in Christ, but having the taxing experience of questioning and problem posing theology, and sometimes even God himself. So my story is this I asked God into my heart at a young age (many tears were spilled I still am curious to this day on why) Never really cared for my faith until a couple years back when I was 15 I will eventually get to why. Im not going to get into details about my childhood only thing is my brothers were pretty rough at times and there was lots of screaming and yelling which terrified me. Eventually I started hanging out with the wrong crowd in about middle school. I got into some pretty wicked stuff I was smoking weed and cigarettes. I was drinking, popping pills, and messing around with girld. When I was like 14. A day came when a buddy and I were having a cigarette before bed, not a smart idea, while we were he said "im possessed by the cigarette demon!" Jokingly. Playing along I grasped him arm and yelled "brother!" When going to bed a voice in my head said "God doesnt love you." Then another eventually overpowering the first saying "God does love you" this voice kept  repeating itself, and with it came an experience like no other. It genuinely felt like I was being lifted up\floating. So after that time went by and things had to get worse before they got better. My parents found out about all that and sent me to basically a treatment program. Eventually I opened up my bible and began to pray to God. Then I got plugged into a church and started reading my bible....a ton. I grew this extreme passion for Jesus and people began to recognize me as a Christian. Now im in a very ackward position finding myself stuck between my faith and renouncing it. Lots of questions have arisen which have challenged my faith and have brought dought. So I'm hoping this website can help me figure out my faith, if its real or pointless. Thank you for reading this. :D

Keep the faith.The deeper you'll go the richer it becomes.

Welcome.

[Contradictingconscience]

Ok Guys sorry it took so long to reply its just that my phone is not the most capable device in replying with long messages. Jay shoot me a  private message I can answer your question better there. This one goes to Emily To be honest I was never truly "hooked" on pills and it wasn't really treatment that you and I think of. It was more of a meeting with some troubled youth every Wednesday. Religion was not the thing that pulled me off my mild experience with opiates i kicked that by myself. I would love to talk to you about the existence of Jesus msg. me if you want to talk about. Yes the old testament creation stories can be ridiculous theres much debate over what they "actually" mean. Also msg me if you want to talk about that as well! :D To "none" I feel like thats what makes Jesus so special though if he truly was the son of God Msg me if you want to talk about it more. To Maritime People knew I was Christian basically because I proclaimed (mostly through facebook  ) What sparked my passion was honestly his love. By his love I mean like nothing else on this earth, like nothing came close to what being in his presence was like. Mr.Blackwell ( thats a very intimidating face and name sir hahaha  ) I would say yes I would say there is no end to his forgiveness or else what would be the point if he died and only offered finite forgiveness? I don't think im qualified to answer that question but I would say no "he who lives by the sword will die by the sword". Goombah and Mooby I would love to talk to you guys about faith and why you guys can say you guys are christians? Actually I would to talk to any christian about that so msg me!

[Mooby the Golden Sock]

Is there a specific reason that you seem so keen on starting multiple private messages vs. discussing things in an open thread?

[Dexter]

welcome and +1 for struggling

[Contradictingconscience]

Mooby just for convience sake. Also if you prefer we can discuss on here

[kevin]

what's happening, cc?

welcome to the forum